A quick note to tell you that your vinaigrette receipe was an enormous hit. Our guests could not stop gushing. Served with baby greens, well, let's just say it made the day. Just that the doctor ordered. As the sun went down on another lovely weekend, all you could hear on the back property was the sound of our guests wonderfully munching the delicious salad. I mentioned it to Herb that it sounded like a bunch of goddamn cows grazing. Munch, munch, munch! It nearly drove me insane! I made quite a little scene, I did...rushing up the lawn and onto the deck, covering my ears, face contorted. I ran directly to the kitchen, pushing poor Peter and James out of the way. I poured myself a tall glass of Johnny Walker and downed it in one motion. After a few minutes, I'd recovered, thank God.
Have I told you about my vacation idea? A cross-gendered, cross-country tour. That is correct, my friend. We will rent a sporty coupe of sorts, and take off from Manhattan, boldly across this great land. Cross-dressed! I myself am starting off with something smart, a short mini and simple silk top. Full make-up and a long blonde wig. Pumps or platforms? Hell, either one will put the pedal to the metal, don't you think? We'll hit all the truck stops in New Jersey! How long before I get beat up? We could place bets. Could we make it to Pennsylvania without a black eye, broken teeth? A different outfit for each day, one more revealing and pathetic than the last. What fun!!! As bad as we want to be. By Ohio, I'd have a fairly serious drug habit, heroin hopefully. By the time we hit California, I will look like an old tramp, worn-out, defeated, but still sexy in my own way. Will you come? Think of the possibilities. We will be a huge hit in places like Elkhart, Indiana or Grand Forks, Nebraska.
Do us a favor and think about it?
Now, sod off!